Fiendish Thingies

10 reasons I know the Apollo 11 moon landing was faked

moltz:

1. There were three men on the Apollo 11 spacecraft. That means that the odds of someone dying at any given point in the mission were one in three… YET NO ONE DID!
2. The moon is approximately six kajillion miles away. It is impossible to travel that far because “kajillion” is a made-up word and not a measurable distance. You would be travelling forever!
3. If men had landed on the moon, this would have angered the lunar vampires we know to live there, sparking a war between Earth and the lunar vampires that would currently be ravaging both worlds. No such war appears to be taking place.  Yet it is. The government is just covering that up, too. But it wasn’t started by an incursion on their territory, it was started during a dispute over the ownership of a mule named Paco.
4. This so-called “moon” that supposedly orbits our planet cannot be real because the teachings of Septon the Inquisitor tell us that life is an illusion and the real waking state does not come until we die and arrive, ironically, on the moon which is where people go when they die. I know it sounds confusing, but it makes a lot more sense after you watch the informational video and relinquish all your wordly possessions.
5. The entire trip supposedly took 8 days yet at no point are the astronauts shown on live TV defecating.  And no one outside of NASA employees, some contractors, government inspectors, EPA officials, family and friends of the astronauts and the astronauts themselves has ever even seen any of the mythical poop bags from the supposed flight. WHERE ARE THE POOP BAGS??? Without defecating, they would have exploded after day 4.
6. Cary Elwes played command module pilot Michael Collins in “From the Earth to the Moon”. Cary Elwes is an actor who was also in “Glory” and “The Princess Bride”, therefore we know the entire mission was faked.
7. A lot of the communication between the LEM, command module and Capcom is filled with static which is just how someone would fake such communication in order to make it sound real. Which it isn’t.
8. “Buzz”?  That’s not even a name. It’s a sound that bees make.
9. Three men in a confined space for 8 days and there’s no gay sex? Right. Any graduate of a British boarding school for boys would tell you that’s impossible.
10. I was a hollow shell of a person with few interpersonal relationships before I began to believe the moon landings were faked. Now I have a purpose and set of shared beliefs with a small cadre of others and we have achieved a modicum of fame for ourselves as noted kooks, fame we would never have been able to otherwise achieve because we have no natural talents.

That last one alone should convince anyone.